Being Thankful

Okay, I wasn't going to use my blog to air any pet peeves that I might have but I feel I am left with no choice. If I hear one more person complain in my presence about their hair I will be forced to do something drastic. Its either too messy, too curly, too wild, too gray, too short, not the right color or style and it goes on and on. For someone without hair this is a little too much to take. So please, be thankful for every hair on your head. You never know when every last one of them will fall out.

A dear friend of mine, Margo, who is a breast cancer SURVIVOR
sent me this email which I LOVE. Please enjoy....


There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror
and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

Well, she said, I think I'll braid my hair today. So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.

Hmm, she said, I think I'll part my hair down the middle today. So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.

Well, she said, Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail. So she did and had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

YEAH!, she exclaimed, I don't have to fix my hair today!

So on that note, here are the top 3 reasons I am thankful for being BALD....

1. I can get ready so quick now...shower, dress, slap on some lipstick and I'm out the door. No more blowdrying and styling.

2. I am saving a ton of money on shampoo, hair spray, hairdressers, etc.

3. I can wear black all the time and not have to worry about loose blond hair on the back of my clothes.

Pick something that you may not be especially happy about and list 3 reasons why it is a good thing. It will make you look at whatever it is in a new light. And remember to appreciate your hair.

Its About Time

I know, I've been a little deliquent in the blogging department. The first part of the past week we had the visitation and funeral for Dave in Cole Harbour. This was both exhausting physically and emotionally. He will be greatly missed.

We made a little overnight trip to Weymouth to pick up Sara who we were missing terribly. She had a wonderful time with Nana and Papa but was very happy to come home with us. She is planning her next sleepover...maybe Nanny and Grandad's...mmm, we'll see.


My Mom and Dad came down on Thursday and stayed over till Saturday night. We picked blueberries, went out to eat (great fish and chips at the Driftwood) and just had a relaxing visit. Dad loves our ride on mower and cut every possible section of grass on our 60 acres, ha ha.

Our pet snake shed his skin while we were gone during the week. You know what that means...he's growing. He has actually grown 2 inches since we got him. Maybe we need to cut down on his food consumption!

I'm feeling much better these past couple of days after my last chemo. I don't think I want the anti nausea medication increased again. While the nausea is bad enough the spacey feeling I think is worse. There are so many other side effects that are not so well know: mouth sores, bowl upset (yuk), fatigue, aches and pains, sentivities (ie sunlight), headaches, etc.. One medication makes you constipated and then another makes you have diarrhea...so sometimes you bounce back and forth between the two. How exciting is that? Well enough about my bowl movements.

Remember...don't tell God how big your mountain is, tell that mountain how big your God is.

 

For Dave

Dave Mosher came to work for us over 15 year ago when Randy started his business. He has been with us through thick and thin and all the ups and downs a contruction business goes through. He was loyal, trustworthy and a support to Randy. He always had a smile on his face, a joke to tell or a great fishing tale. He was one of those people who laughed easily. He was more than just an employee, he was like family. At only 49 years old, Dave took a massive heart attack yesterday morning and died. It was a shock and the loss of such a great guy is just hitting us. He will be missed more than he could possibly imagine.

I would ask that you pray for strength and comfort for his wife and two teenage kids as they deal with the loss of they're husband and father.

Chemo Day

My Oncologist was happy that my "counts" came back up and so far I don't have to go on the immune drug therapy. He is still going to continue having my blood checked every 10 days which is not the usually procedure but cautionary on his part. He did increase the Zofran, which is one of 3 anti-nausea drugs I am on. My nurse said he doubled the dosage that is given via my portocath
prior to the chemo drugs. He felt that I was still dealing with too much nausea, etc. It did help the nausea but has left me feeling kind of loopy and spacey, like I'm in Lala land. Randy joked with me and said that it is not unlike the way I usually am. Good thing he just took me on a nice get away.

These are two of 5 vials that they inject manually into my portocath. Then I also get a drip bag of another drug. They put the Epirubicin and 5-Floracil in manually so they can ensure that it goes directly into my vein. If it leaks out into the tissue or muscle it will kill those cells. Hence the double gloves they wear to protect themselves. Since having the portocath put in the process takes less time then using an IV...probably about 1 1/2 hours.

Well I am half way there with only 3 more treatments to go. Your prayers are working...there have been no complications and I am "handling" things well. When I feel a little overwhelmed I know that is when the Lord steps in and is carrying me the rest of the way. Thank you
for the love, prayers and support that you continue to send my way. 

Our Getaway

We had a wonderful time...I can't begin to tell you how much we enjoyed ourselves or how much we really needed this little getaway. Randy had booked two nights at Liscombe Lodge but my chemo got moved up from 10:30 to 8:30 in the morning on Friday. There was no way we could do the 3 hour drive that day so we only stayed the one night at Liscombe and stayed in Halifax the 2nd night. When things don't alway turn out perfect you make lemonade with lemons or something like that. Anyway...it still turned out pretty good...we were together, away from everything...you can't ask for much more than that.

We went canoeing on the river, had a wonderful dinner Wednesday night at the lodge (where I wore my wig that night and then freaked them all the next morning when I went in to the breakfast buffet with just my bandana!!) and went to this gorgeous beach where I, in my element collected shells and sand dollars. We took our time driving back on Thursday and stopped at a few places along the way. Had a great dinner out at Applebees and spent a quiet night at the new Quality Inn in Halifax.

It was relaxing and helped us get away from everything that is going on even if it was just for a little while.

I have to thank the Gideons...after we got on our way I realized I had left my bible on the counter....how was I to do my Proverbs readings? There in the bedside table at Liscombe was the Gideons Bible...I sat out on the deck in the beautiful sunshine and
read my chapters.

I also have to thanks Annette for the delicious fruit and cheese tray...with chocolate truffles, she had delivered to our Chalet on the river. It was devine!!!

Thank you Randy for 16 wonderful years as your wife. Happy Anniversary!!!

The Purple Family

This picture has nothing to do with my post, I just really like it!

The boys are away this week at Truth for Youth Bible camp in Blomidon. I miss them dearly but it has been very quiet and peaceful around here and they were so happy to go. Sara is leaving this morning to spend a few days at her Nana's house. She is so excited because he cousin Cameron is going to be there. They love playing Polly Pockets together and Nana is excited to have the girls to herself.

Randy booked a cottage at Liscombe Lodge for us so we are heading out too...Yippee. It is an early anniversary get away and with me feeling so good this week we thought we would take advantage..those days are sometimes few and far between. When you are nauseated and sick and feeling really bad it is exhilarating when you feel "healthy" again, if only for a little while. Maybe thats why you are so excited because you know you only a a few days before you will feel sick again.

We will head back to the city Friday morning for my 3rd and "halfway there" treatment. So for now I am cherishing every moment of the next few days. That doesn't sound right....I cherish every moment I am alive but I will especially cherish these days. Okay, I'll shut up now, I'm so giddy with excitement I'm rambling and not being coherant. Yeehaw!!!

Lemonade Anyone?

A week or so ago the boys decided to set up a lemonade stand. They picked a good day...the cars were constantly coming to the raspberry upick across the road and the dump trucks were going steady beside the house hauling topsoil. They went through alot of lemonade and made a gross profit of $12.00! They looked so cute out there...so serious about their "business". I wasn't feeling great that day (it was just after chemo) so I was spending alot of time on the couch while trying to keep an eye on them. I was kind of dozing when they came in and put the can of money on the couch beside me with a note that said this money was for the doctors to help me get better. They didn't make the money for Rescue Heros or treats at the store but for me.

This makes up for all the times they were fighting like a bunch of wild things, sort of!!! 

The Counts

Everyone has been asking how I am feeling and this week I can honestly say has been GREAT. I feel wonderful with lots of energy and no symptoms (well, except for some nasty mouth sores which are chemo related). A bunch of you have been asking about my counts so I am putting them in a chart form so it should be easier to follow....

Hemoglobing- is a measurement of the oxygen being circulated by the red blood cells, if its low then you become anemic.
Platelets-help your blood to clot and slows down bleeding
White cells-there are different types of white cells but the main job is to fight infection and disease
Neutrophils-these are important as they are the "soldier" white cells that specifically fight infection

Date............Hemoglobin.....Plateletts.....White cells.....Neutrophils
normal range 120-160.........140-450.......4.0-11.0...........45%-76%

6/20.................118...................366.................7.9..............4.7 or 77%
(this was the day of chemo so pretty much everything is in normal range)

17/7..................................................................1.2
(I don't have all the figures for this round of bloodwork. My doctor called with the white cells because they were concerned because they were so low!)

21/7................ 106...................295................3.3................. .4 or 6%
(This was during a viral infection I had gotten and my neutrophils were pretty much non existant because they were working harder then they could keep up but if you notice my white cells are going up, yeehaw)

28/7...............107.....................448..............6.1....................3.4 or 56%
(this was just before my 2nd round of chemo)

8/8..................93.....................266..............1.9.....................1.8 or 30%
(everything is low again but as long as I don't get sick it should be okay! My hemoglobing continues to drop and never really bounces back so that accounts for me being so tired)

Initially my Oncologist nurse said I should keep track of this information and I thought to myself why should I care as long as my Doctor knows. Now that I am into the chemo I realize how important it is for me to know what is going on. Sometimes the info doesn't get sent to say my surgeon or family doctor and if I have it I can pass it along. It also helps me understand what they are talking about when they start throwing numbers around. So now you know what I'm talking about.

My Man

Sorry this picture was suppose to go with the previous blog.
 

He Grounds Me

There are so many reasons why God gave us our husbands. As we were driving to the church picnic yesterday He revealed another one to me. Randy and I were discussing a conversation he had with a friend. They were talking about how there is good and bad in every situation and Randy made the point that with Jesus in our lives we should only see the good in everything. I agreed and then laughingly asked him to tell me the good in having cancer. Okay, this is where I get goosesbumps....he looked at me and said how many times have you prayed and said Jesus use me and your will be done. He reminded me how much stronger our marriage has become, how many friendships have been renewed, grown or strengthened, how are families have become united, how many people we have witnessed to, how much more we have turned to the Lord in prayer and the bible...and these are only some of the things we know about, I'm sure the list goes on. All this since being diagnosed with Cancer...something that is not of God but is being used by God. I believe in God's ability to heal me (by his stripes we WERE healed) in His time but until then I pray He uses this for His glory. My husband has always been able to help me clear past the fog and see everything clearly. He grounds me and helps keep me focused on whats real and important. I just love that man!!

The Monsta

As we were getting ready for church yesterday morning Andrew came into our room for something so I asked him to zip up the back of my dress. I had gotten this cute, red dress at Frenchies and had finally gotten it dry cleaned and was wearing it for the first time. After he zipped me I turned around to show him. He looked at me very critically and told me he thought I should wear my wig with my outfit. It didn't look that great with the bald look!!! If you ever want the truth, ask Andrew.

So on went the wig. While Andrew was pleased with the result, little Miss. Sara was not. She told me it was scary and I looked like a "monsta". All I could do was laugh everytime she looked at me. During church at one point I felt a little tug on the back of the wig and turned and she was trying to pull it off my head!! Needless to say the people behind us were being kept entertained by Miss. Sara.

Off or On?

The kids and I drove into Lower Sackville this morning and met Mom, Dad and my Great Aunt Mary at McDonalds for lunch. Sara was so excited because they had Polly Pockets in the kids meal. We went back to Mom and Dad's for a little visit and they kept the kids while I headed into Mic Mac Mall in Dartmouth. There is a lady at the Head Shop who specializes in cutting wigs. She was great and did a wonderful job on the wig. Randy loves it and thinks it looks just like real hair. I'm not convinced...I guess because its on my head and it feels like a wig. Anyway I guess its nice to have it for special occassions but I'm okay bald or with a bandana. Anyway afterward I met Randy at Swiss Chalet for supper and then back to the kids. We left Mom and Dad's and arrived home at 9:00pm. Any other time a day like that would be no big deal but right now I am exhausted ( you can tell in the pictures Andrew took). Except for being tired it was a wonderful day. I'm off to snuggle in bed and read my Proverbs chapter.

**Does it look like I've typed in different size fonts or am I more tired than I thought? 

Courtney's Cupcakes

Well our snake had his first visitor today. Sharon Benson came by this morning for a visit and brought a beautiful, homemade blueberry pie (I was planning on attaching a picture but there really wasn't much of the pie left tonight, yum!, Sharon, the crust was really good). She claims she is afraid of snakes but she bravely touched it (the snake) much to the delight of Andrew and Geoffrey. You have attained a new level of respect with the boys. We had a really nice visit and cup of tea...in a mug...sorry guys. Thanks so much Sharon.

Later this evening Courtney Lohnes dropped by with some snake and ladybug cupcakes. The kids loved them. I thought they were a hoot. Only Courtney would take the time to do such elaborate decorating to honor a snake. She even got the color and markings right...see I noticed. By the way, there were alot more cupcakes on the plate but by the time I got in the house to take a picture they had mysteriously disappeared. Must of been the snake! Thanks for everything Courtney!

I have been reading the Proverbs chapters in the NIV but I felt like I was missing something. So last night I got out my KJ version and started again from chapter 1 and reread the chapters and the beauty of the scriptures really hit me. I have set myself a goal to read each chapter and find one key verse that sort of sums up the meaning of that chapter or has meaning to my life. It has been really difficult because there have been so many that I have written down and want to memorize. My favorite all time verse... a verse I have stood on over and over again in my life...is still Proverbs 3:5-6.."Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." No matter what I faced in my life it always fit. It perfectly and clearly tells us what God expects of us...complete and utter trust in Him to quide our lives...to go to Him for guidance and direction. When I was first diagnosed I would pray and this verse would keep coming into my mind over and over again. I don't know why I got Cancer, I know it didn't come from God, but I am going to trust God that HIS WILL BE DONE no matter what the outcome. I'm not going to dwell on the whys or "whatifs" because its pointless, it doesn't make sense to me so I am going to acknowledge God in my life like I never have before and turn it all over to Him. Kathy Mollins loaned me a CD with this beautiful song and the words say, " No matter how long I am here on this earth, mold me and shape me and use me for your will." Amen!

The Newest Mullen

This is the newest addition to the list of critters that live at Ladybug Farm. He is a Red Albino Cornsnake whose name changes daily and I think is currently named Viper. Andrew saved up his money and behaved himself (with not major incidents) for a month to earn permission to buy him. I know...its a snake...but there are going to be so many "no"s for these guys this year, with me being sick, that we decided that when we could...within reason...say "yes" we would. Snakes don't really bother me and he is very clean and very little work which is a bonus. The feeding is kind of gross but we won't get into that. The boys love to show him off so if you would like to visit him...come on over. 

Don't look if your Squimish

This is the portocath (portable catheter) site. This was after surgery so it looks much better now. It is a funnel shapes device with a gel like top and a long tube that is inserted into one of my main arteries. The whole thing is buried under my skin just below my collar bone hence the bump under the incision (and yes that is a hint of cleavage). Chemo is very hard on your veins (and every other part of your body) so it makes it difficult to get blood from them after awhile. Last time it took them 7 tries (2 in my hand, two in my elbow, two on the top of my feet and they finally got it from my ankle) because everytime the needles punctured the veins it would cause them to shrink or shrivel. Because of that I can not longer go to the regular blood clinic and have blood drawn. The portocath can only be accessed by trained nurses or a Doctor because of the risk of infection and the process they have to use, flushing it before and after, etc. The portocath allows them to directly access the artery to take out blood and insert the chemo so it is convenient for everyone. Today went very slick and it was very convenient to be able to go to the chemo clinic in Kentville verses travelling all the way to Halifax. The staff in there were great and called me with the results of the bloodwork this afternoon. My counts were low so I am just waiting to hear from my Oncologist to see if they are an "acceptable low" or if I have to go in to see him. I'll keep your posted......... 

Happy Day

Since we are all women here I am just going to say it...I started my period and I am so happy!!!Yippee. While most days when this happens I groan and suffer through the next few days as best I can, today is a day to rejoice. My Oncologist warned me that the chemo could put me into early menopause and all the nasty side effects that go with it....hot flashes, mood swings....something that at my age I was not looking forward to. So when my little friend showed up it brought me great joy. I will never complain about it again. I know I am not out of the woods yet since I have 4 more treatments to go but for now I am celebrating. God is good.

Well I am off to have bloodwork done. Between day 10 and 15 after chemo is when my blood counts drop so they want to know where they are since last time they went way too low. It is the first time Kentville is going to try to use my portocath so I will let you know how that goes. Say a prayer that the counts are within acceptable limits so I don't have to go on that drug therapy.

Lots a Jam

First of all I want to say how much I enjoy your comments...they either make me cry or "hold my belly cause it hurts" laugh. Tracy, the crocs come in all kinds of funky colors...hot pink, tangerine, lime, and then some more traditional colors like navy and red. If you can't get the jibbets let me know and I'll pick you up some. Yes, another convert!!!
Ok, this is a photo of two of the grossest and largest caterpillars I have every seen. We have been on the internet trying to find out what kind they are but haven't been able to identify them yet. We are going to keep them and see if they form a cocoon and what they turn into. You can't really tell from the photo but the green one has these spikes coming from it that are blue, orange and yellow. The brown one has two sets of horns in the front and one large one on its tail. It has diagonal stripes on its body. If there are any insect experts out there who could tells us what these are you would make two little boys (and one frazzled mother) very happy.
I woke up this morning and breathed a sigh of relief...the nausea, fatigue and other nasty side effects were totally gone and I finally felt like myself. So I made jam. Lots and lots of jam. Strawberry (from our orchard), blueberry, plum (just picked this morning from our orchard) and strawberry-rhubarb. I don't know why but the idea just popped into my to make some jam. Maybe its all the homemade bread that people have been giving us that just screams to be smothered in homemade jam or that all last years homemade jam is long gone or that I really enjoy making jam. I don't know but I had a very enjoyable morning in the kitchen being domestic. The smell of all that fruit cooking was heavenly and hearing all those lids popping as the seals set gave me goosebumps. Life is good !
 

Comfort in God

We had a special speaker in church this morning, Barry Speck. He is a missionary facing many obstacles. He spoke about what he does and then gave us the verse Luke 1:37..."For nothing is impossible with God". There is nothing God can't do..He can take care of everything "at His appointed time". I don't know about you but I find such comfort in that. When things sometimes get overwhelming for me I know that it isn't for God and that He is in control so I can let go. Barry said to have confidence that God will help you deal with whatever you have to deal with. There are so many unknowns I am facing right now but that is the one thing I can have total faith in...God is with me every step of the way!

The Bandana Gang

I have a wig but ya know, it looks like a wig and it feels like a wig. So for now I am wearing hats but mostly scarves or kerchiefs or bandanas or whatever they are called. The kids love to wear them too. My biggest problem is...is it ears in or out? I don't really want to look like a smurf but it is more comfortable out and right now comfort is winning out. Maybe in the fall when it is cooler I'll opt for the wig. Right now I am having fun collecting different colored bandanas because it is all about accessorizing....... 

The Croc Craze
I was going to blog several other things today but I had to do the crocs and beat Kim (she's blue) to it. I resisted the croc craze for quite awhile because they really are ugly. There are several reasons I finally succumbed to the peer pressure and bought a pair in teal.
3 Reasons you need crocs:
1. They are really, really comfortable and light.
2. They are made in Canada, go figure!
3. They have these little charms called "jibbets" that you can put on them. I have the breast cancer ribbon, ladybug, flower and butterfly. And I really can't resist anything that you can accessorize. 

Did you ever have a photo that took you back to what you were feeling at that exact moment in time? This is one of those photos. While definitely not my favorite photo of myself it is nonetheless one of my favorite photos for the feelings it brings back. Randy had just shaved my hair. I had decided that when it started coming out from the chemo I was taking charge and shaving it off. It had been coming out in clumps for several days...I knew it was time...it had to be done. But no matter how much our hair drives us insane...it defines us, long or short, blonde or brunette, its part of who we are. Needless to say it was emotional for all of us and I shed a few tears as my hair fell into my lap. Geoffrey who is 7 and probably one of the most compassionate kids I know (and I'm not just saying that because he is mine!) put his arms around my neck, looked me in the eyes and told me he still thought I was beautiful and was going to keep his hair shaved as long as mine was gone. I will cherish and remember that moment for as long as I live and I am so glad I have this photo. 

I am new to this blogging thing. Thanks to Kim Wade I now have something else to be addicted to. I am currently going through chemo to fight Invasive Ductile Carcinoma- breast cancer. I usually send out emails with updates, test results, appointments, etc. which helps keep friends and family in the loop and I usually add some of my thoughts and feelings ...I have found it to be somewhat therapuetic since I don't keep a journal. Perhaps the blog is now the way to go.