I've come a long way

Most of you remember our addition this summer, Andrew's pet snake. He is very much alive and doing quite well. He has had three sheddings and grown several inches. The boys are always bringing new snake books home from the library. They are learning so much and he keeps them fascinated by everything he does.

This is all good. Now for the bad.

He eats once or twice a week...a small baby mouse called a pinkie! The feeding process is...well.. sort of amazing. While a part of me is grossed out by it, the other part is morbidly fascinated watching as his jaws unhinge and he swallows what doesn't seem possible.

We usually buy these "pinkies" from the pet store. They come frozen and we keep them in the freezer and thaw them out as needed or rather Andrew does that part. Recently though I have been having a hard time getting them. The pet store keeps promising to get them in but then when they do they can only spare one or two.

So today I bought a female hamster...to cohabitate with our male hamster. I figure if they fall in love, get married and start raising a family, they should be able to keep us in gourmet snake meals.

I was the little girl who rescued and tried to save every hurt or injured animal, reptile, bird or insect growing up. I was constantly driving my Mom crazy with all the animals I was looking after. I am now reduced to a murdering baby snatcher. I am trying to console myself with the fact that they are just rodents, right?

The things we do for our kids. I really have come a long way....

My thoughts

I realize why they only give you 6 rounds of chemo...because no matter how willing you might be to do more, your body just can't take it. All the skin on the inside of my mouth is gone and I am spitting up blood because my throat is raw, I am weak and lethargic and ache all over, my head is pounding, the heartburn and indigestion is almost unbearable, my stomach muscles hurt from the nausea and cramping....my body just won't "bounce" back like it used to and its over a week later.

But after having said all that it was so worth it. I am done and I learned and grew so much through this experience. I can say I have been a Christian all my life but have I always put the Lord first in my life? I can honestly say no. We are selfish creatures and we want our own way in life which is not always His way.

Some people have asked me how I got through this and will continue to get through this. Well, I have some wonderful family and amazing friends, I have really good doctors and lots of support and help but mostly it is the inner strength and faith I have that only comes from God.
He carried me through this. He gave me the strength.

A group of ladies from church are reading the books of John. I got alot out of 1 John and 2 John was short and to the point. But when I started reading 3 John it hit me...
"Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth." 3 John verse 2

He doesn't just want my physical body healed but my spiritual being as well. When everything that we think is important and all the distractions in life are stripped away, what do you see? Because in the end its just you and Him.

6 Down, None to Go!!!!

Chemo number 6 is completed and that's it....I'm all done!!! I know everyone is cheering and I really would like to, but you need to give me a couple days to feel a little more up to the whole Yippee thing. Then I will be dancing all over the place knowing that there is no number 7!!

Everything went well today. The boys were really good but it was a long day for them. They revived somewhat when we made a side trip to Toys R Us on the way home. It's amazing how that works.

I have absolutley no vanity or pride any more so I am going to tell you this story because with my sense of humor (and the drugs in my system) I think it's hilarious. Those of you who know me well know that I can burp with the best of them at any time but I'm not much of a "tooter" (that's the only other word we use in our house besides fluff). Chemo tends to make you very, very gassy. You have no idea, I'm talking gas...I am typing this laughing my head off. Well, there are times that "it" seems to go on forever and the boys look at me with this amazed, shocked, horrified, unbelievable look on they're faces. I innocently look at them and simply say excuse me but don't blame me it's the chemo! Geoffrey has gotten to the point where he looks at me so compassionately and sweetly and says, it's okay Mom it's the chemo right? Andrew, my cynical and questioning one, on the other hand is starting to think I'm just using that as an excuse. So today, while we are waiting for "Mr. Serious and Down to Business Dr. Younis" to come in, Andew tells me he is going to ask him if it really is the chemo or am I lying! Randy and I quickly and quietly tell him that it would not be a good idea (especially if he enjoys life the way it is now!!). Part of me was laughing inside at what that kid comes up with and the other part was a total wreck waiting for him to blurt that out to the Dr. despite our dire warnings.

Common sense prevailed on the part of my son and the planned trip to Toys R Us was fulfilled!!!

As you can probably tell the drugs are running thick and freely through my system so it is time to shut up. I am tired and nauseated so it is off to bed. Love to all.

Tell me why.....

Well I have nothing profound to say today, no funny stories or cute things the kids did. But I do have a question....why do some bloggers put those "type in the crazy letters" word verification thingy before you can leave a comment? And you all know who you are! Is it just to drive us crazy? I really can see no point to it. I'm sure some of you blogging gurus could provide a perfectly good explanation but really, is it necessary? There are times that I think twice about leaving a comment because I know I will have to go through the process of the word verification. Not only that but some people have two of them!!!! What is that about? Okay, glad I got that off my chest.

Self Breast Exam

I just finished reading an article about a 17 year old who had a breast removed due to breast cancer. 17!!!! While this is not the "norm" it just shows that this disease is affecting younger and younger women.

Alot of breast cancers now are estrogen driven or what they call estrogen receptive. Meaning estrogen that our body normally produces feeds these particular types of cancer. I was told that I probably had the cancer cells in my body for a long time but when I had Sara three years ago, the surge of hormones activated and feed the cells causing them to grow into the resulting tumor. So I personally feel that women during the child bearing years should be more aware of this and be checking for anything unusual.

Anne, your family doctor should be able to show you how to do a proper breast exam. He or she should also have a booklet or guide showing you how to do your own. My doc has cards that hang on your door knob (great for the bathroom) with diagrams showing you what to do step by step. Most pharmacys now have a section with free booklets on different diseases and guides for doing self breast exams. Don't forget to check your underarm, which is where my lump was, or your side down by your ribs. If you can't find anything, let me know and I would be more than happy to send you something.

Cheryl, now that you have done an exam, when is your mammogram appointment? I couldn't book one myself but once your turn 40 you don't need a doctor's referral. Just call the Valley Regional breast screening clinic and make your own appointment. It usually takes months so you have plenty of time to psych yourself up for it. I'll even go with you if you want some moral support.

Penny, I'm assuming your mammogram results were okay? Sometimes we have to push these things along. Good for you!

Hip Hip Horay for all of you doing your breast exams!!!

Have you checked this month?

As most of you know October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. With all the publicity it brings it to the forfront moreso than any other time. So how many of you have done your breast exam this month? Or any other month for that matter? I was one of those people who never did breast exams. I had no family history, never smoke or drank, had normal periods, breast feed all three kids, was healthy, only in my thirties and besides, my boobs were kind of lumpy anyway...how would I be able to tell what was normal or not!?

When I found my lump (thats right, I found it) sort of by accident, I put off going to the doctor for a few months. When I finally went, my doctor didn't think it was anything to worry about and told me to wait a couple months to see if it went away. When I returned a few months later she still thought it was okay. At this point I was starting to become concerned and I had to "push" to get some testing done. All those months wasted because I didn't fit the description of who should have breast cancer.

1 in 229 women in their thirties will develop breast cancer. Wow! This is not just an "older" woman's disease. Over 80% of women with breast cancer have no family history! We are told that you only need to be concerned if there is breast cancer on your mother's side of the family. My surgeon told me that further studies and gene testing are beginning to show that "any cancer on either side of the family" is a indicator of an increase risk of breast cancer. My father's sister died of breast cancer and while that doesn't make me high risk, if I had of know of that connection I might have been more vigilant in checking and following up on anything unusual.

So if you would like to do something for me...please take the time to do a self breast exam. And if you don't want to do it for me, do it for yourself and your family. If you are not sure of what you are feeling, go have your doctor check it out. And if you are still not happy, INSIST on further testing. A mammogram really isn't that bad. Get your yearly pap smear and breast exam from your doctor. I would rather feel foolish for running to the doctor than feel sick from chemo!

Radiation Appointment

I met with my Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Maureen Nolan, yesterday. She is a sweetie with a great sense of humor. I was able to persuede her to start my radiation on November 20 so I can still go on my scrapbook weekend (10-12) and our little trip to Pennsylvania (13-19).

The Study Results........

When you have less then 3 lymph nodes with cancer they only radiate that breast and the treatments lasts for 4 weeks. This is the course that I normally would have had. However they currently have a research study going on in Canada, the US, Australia and New Zealand, which is trying to prove that radiation to the lymph area or underarm (as well as the breast) would also be beneficial and reduce the chance of the cancer returning to that breast, bones or other organs.

Due to many factors, I am an ideal candidate for participation in this study (there are only 25-30 woman allowed from our area). The hesitation on my part was because the study meant having radiation for 6 weeks verses the normal 4, plus the fact that the study is broken into two treatment groups, the standard (breast only) and the regional radiation (breast and lymph area). I had a 50/50 chance of getting in the "good" group.

After much thought, discussion and prayer I decided to go in the study. If this is my chance to beat this thing I wanted every possible treatment option available.

Well....I found out yesterday that I got the standard group. I have to say I am somewhat disappointed. You are chosen randomly by computer so there is not even a "person" I could bribe to get me in (just kidding).

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...." Proverbs 3:5. My favorite verse. While it doesn't seem fair, I have to believe that there is a reason...maybe someone needs that additinal treatment more than me. So I have to let it go.

I thought about pulling out of the study because really who wants to go for 6 weeks when I can get the exact same treatment in 4!! But I have decided to stay in for 2 reasons: somebody has to be in that group. The study would be worthless if everyone backed out of the control group. So hopefully at some point in time every women will be able to have the additional treatment. The 2nd reason is because regardless of which group you are in they do a pretty intensive 5 year followup...xrays, exams, bloodwork, etc. If you read my previous blog you would know that if I wasn't in this study, once my treatments are done, except for a yearly mammogram, thats it.

So I had a 45 minute CAT scan which helped them "line me up" and tatto me for the radiation treatments. The 7 tattos are about the size of a small mole and as the Radiation Tech said yesterday, they are the kind you get in prison, dab on the ink and stick you with a needle. Kinda cool! Its a good thing I don't have a needle phobia because this whole entire process would have been a nightmare.

I can expect fatique and energy loss, irritated and red skin (like a sunburn), soreness in the chest area and possible cough and shortness of breath. Sounds like a walk in the part after chemo! I will have 29 treatments, 5 days a week for appoximately 6 weeks. This will all take place in Halifax since there are only 2 machines in Nova Scotia (the other one is in Cape Breton) and takes about a 1/2 start to finish. My dear, sweet husband wants to drive in everyday...1 1/2 hours, each way!!! He wants to be there for everything but my good sense may prevail as I am working out a schedule with the Rad. Tech. Maybe work it so I can have one late on Monday and one early on Tuesday so I can stay overnight at Mom and Dad's. If I did that once or twice in the week than the travelling might not be so bad and I can bring Sara up to Mom's with me. I'll let you know how it works out.

Love to everyone. 

My Revelation

I am going to try to tell this without offending anyone because that truly is not my intention. I just experienced my own personal revelation and wanted to share it.

I grew up in a Pentecostal church which was very charismatic. You know the kind that has 2 hour services, lots of musical instruments, hand clapping and lifting during praise and worship, lots of chorus singing and yes, even dancing at times.

So when we started at Weston Christian Fellowship it was quite a change for us. There were many reasons why we stayed and continue to do so: Initially Randy felt we should support our local church, the bible teaching is like nothing I have found anywhere else and the people that make up the church are phenomenal. The church has a real welcoming presence and we were made to feel like we belonged right away.

But....I always felt like I was missing out on something. Especially when it came time for the singing. We only used the piano and only spent a couple of minutes only singing a couple of songs. I really missed the praise and worship time I remember from the church I grew up in. Despite how much I love Weston, the preaching and the people, I was filled with a sort of discontentment. I always felt like if the church had this or that it would be so much better.

This weekend we went to church with Mom and Dad. It is a beautiful Pentecostal church with a wonderful bunch of people. They had a rip roaring praise and worship service and a nice thanksgiving message and communion. I should have been in my element right? Wrong.

While I was sitting there in the middle of the worship part of the service I realized this wasn't what I was longing for. I didn't need all the hoopla and emotionalism. I had exactly what I needed at Weston! I realized I love the evening service where Ken Kaiser chooses people from the congregation to pick their favorite song from the hymn book to sing (lots of them I don't know because we mostly sang chorus' growing up but I LOVE these beautiful hymns), I love the fact that we only have the piano so I can hear the beautiful voices singing, I love that they have a wonderful Sunday School and Awana program for my kids and I love the amazing teaching we are getting from Pastor Gary.

I can't describe the feeling that came over me at that moment but I felt that feeling of discontent leave and peace fill the space. I know Weston is not perfect but as the saying goes...the grass is not always greener on the other side. I know without a doubt that I am where I should be and now I am enjoying every moment of it. 

The secret is out!

I haven't been on the computer for many days so it has taken me most of the morning to catch up on all the blogs. I have a certain order I read them in and Charmin's is before Cheryl's. Well, when I read Charmin's blog about Cheryl's scrapbook idea for me I had to jump ahead to read Cheryl's and find out what it was all about (and I really don't like going out of order, ha, ha).

If the scrapbook was a secret...whoops, its out. I didn't know if I should say anything or not...pretend I didn't know about it which I could do because I am blond...but really, it is on the world wide web so even that would be a stretch for me. I have to say I was so totally blown away by it. I have tears in my eyes and am so overwhelmed just thinking about what you guys are doing for me. I have been scrapbooking for probably 6 years and nobody has ever made one for me. I feel so unworthy and at the same time so incredibly grateful and blessed to have such wonderful friends.

A Pickin we will go...

Monday morning we headed to Willowbank farms for our annual apple and pumpkin picking. We picked some Gravensteins, Cortlands and MacIntosh. I have some baking to do!!!!

Sadly, there were no pumpkins in the patch ( I missed some good photos!). He lost most of them to the rainy season this summer. He did have some for sale in the barn and the kids were just as happy choosing from those (not as good photos wise). Of course the boys picked the biggest ones they could find. Geoffrey is all excited about the amount of "guts" that is going to be inside his. Gross!

It was so funny because in the morning when we got up it was chilly and crisp so we all dressed in sweaters and vests. You know, the perfect "fall" weather for apple picking. But by lunch time the temperature had gone up to 20 degrees and everyone was getting overheated. We had to go to Hennigars for ice cream to cool off. It turned out to be a beautiful "summer" day.

I think this round of chemo is a little better than the last one. I am dealing with a few new side effects but am doing okay overall. I am doing the count down to the last one.

Thanks for your card and note Penny. We'll have to try and get togther.

Hey Annette, how does my hat look?
I love it! The suede is perfect for fall and it is quite warm. Thanks a bunch. I am going to have the best collection of hats by the time this is all over with. Oh, and I love the matching mother/daughter Halloween scarves Yvonne. Thanks:0).

If any of you are in the valley, which you should be because the leaves are gorgeous, be sure to stop in for a visit. We'd love to see you. 

Thanksgiving Weekend

On Saturday we headed up to the city for Thanksgiving. That night we went to the bull riding event at the Winter Exhibition grounds. It was well worth the money as they put on a really awesome show for 2 1/2 hours. The boys loved it and are rethinking their career choices!!

Saturday we stayed overnight at Mom and Dad's. Mom was like a mother hen with her chicks home. She was so pleased to have us under her roof for the night. We went to their church with them in the morning. Everyone kept coming up and greeting us by name although we had no idea who they were. Many people said they were glad to have a face to the person who they have been praying for. They were all so friendly and welcoming.

We then headed to my brother, Derek and his wife, Kim's house. They (well mostly Derek) made a beautiful turkey dinner with more vegetables dishes then I can count. It was so nice to get together with family and enjoy a wonderful meal that I didn't have to make!! We all ate way too much but enjoyed every mouthful. The kids love seeing their cousins, Emma and Hilary but we all missed Christopher, who is away at Memorial University.

My only problem occurred that evening. Randy and I had tucked the kids into bed and were watching a little "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" when the hunger pains hit. The best part of thanksgiving is that late night turkey sandwich: turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, olives and ketchup...yum! But for the first time in many years I hadn't cooked a turkey so we had no leftovers!!! So we settled for a BLT. The next day I roasted one of our homegrown chickens and we had "fake" turkey sandwiches.

I am thankful for wonderful family, praying churches and lots of food.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad Mullen!!!!! 

From the mouths of Babes!

I was tucking Sara into bed last night and was getting ready to say prayers with her. I usually start and she repeats everything after me, but tonight she wanted to say them on her own.

I won't try to repeat it word for word but she prayed to "Dear Jesus" to make her "Mommy's boobie and her band aid (over the portocath) all better" and "help the Doctor make my Mommy better". This is not something that we normally prayed together but something that came from her understanding of the situation and straight from her heart...at only 3 years old!

I needed a whole lot of kleenex when I left her room! 

Sometimes you just need a rainy day!

I absolutley loved today. I got the boys off to school, Mom and Dad left with Sara for a sleepover at their house and I curled up in my electric blanket (yup, I'm still in my jammies!) and lazed around all day. I didn't feel guilty because, hey, it's raining out, that's what you do on a rainy day .

We got up Sunday morning to find one of the horse had gotten through the fence and was loose. Randy and I rounded him up and fixed the fence. Then we got ready and headed to church. By the end of the service I was wiped out. It doesn't seem to take much these days. Needless to say I slept the afternoon away.

I have to say I find day 3 and 4 after chemo a little rough. I am so pumped up on meds the first couple of days that I don't feel much of anything. By day 3 I am starting to reduce the meds and then I start getting more of the side effects. I'm learning not to push myself on those days but to just try to let it pass.

So that is pretty much the extent of my days....laze around and sleep. I am giving myself till Wednesday and then its back to normal for this chick. Maybe I'll have something a little more exciting to write about by then.